There’s Always Wee Johnny
Do you remember when we were young, there was always a wee Johnny, the boy, who when things did not go his way, took the ball and went home. Wee Johnny came in many shapes and sizes. He could be fat or thin, tall or short, one of us or one of them, or maybe ‘nothing at all,’ but every wee Johnny had one thing in common: they were spoilt brats.
Eventually the group always gets fed up with wee Johnny and at some point somebody puts it up to him and says, “Go away and don’t come back until you grow up.” Johnny leaves and sometimes he comes back, chastened and wiser, but sometimes he doesn’t, and goes through life with a chip on his shoulder until he learns to grow up, if he ever does.
There are more Wee Johnny’s than you think
The country is full of wee Johnny types. The most annoying for me are the ones who say, “If there was a God he would not allow this to happen,” when a bomb goes off or when we see children dying of starvation.
Did God plant the bomb? He doesn’t hoard the food or deny it to people. In a world of plenty it is greed, and only greed, that has people starving. Oh, and by the way, God does not plant bombs or pull triggers.
Then you have the wee Johnny who is nothing more than a bully. He may use force, money, sex or blackmail, but Johnny always has one overriding need; to get his own way. In his selfish attempt to get his own way Johnny may join Ashley Madison, leave the wife, or quit the job, he may pay people short or roar in the office, but Johnny has only one aim, to get his own way.
Johnny in History
Hitler wanted his own way. Finding that Germany was not big enough for his ego, Hitler decided to take a bit of land from the neighbours. There were a few Jews there that he wanted rid off but poor old Hitler was unfortunate in his timing. Had he waited until after the establishment of the state of Israel, he could have sent the Jews south to their homeland, out of his way, leaving Germany the perfect Aryan state that he wanted it to be.
Caesar never made it this length. He got as far as Hadrian’s Wall in Scotland, but Celtic and Rangers were playing a match on the other side and scared the begeebies of him. “When I looked at those barbarians with the green and white shirts and their opponents in blue and white, singing something about being up to their necks in Roman Universal Church blood, I knew we were no match for them, so I Ran Away. It would have been a Titanic struggle,” wrote Caesar in his diary a few days before the Ides of March.
History records that First Minister Caesar was ruthlessly stabbed in the back by his friend Brutus Nesbittus, a former reporter for the Hibernian Times, a local newspaper in a rebellious colony on the far edge of the empire. Nesbittus did not act alone, having a hoard of backwoodsmen and women as his followers.
‘Twas Not US
The stabbing in the back of First Minister Caesar led to the collapse of the senate and the search for a scapegoat began. “’Twas not us,” said Grace Kellyus, handsome former leader of the Republican Guard. “We are now a charitable institution, ‘The Irish Legion,’ and we sell Easter lilies and distribute the money to Armani wearing politicians. We also distribute alms donated to us by Northernamos Bancos, a philanthropic financial institution.”
No one could be found on whom to lay the blame. Nesbittus and his men decided to leave the Colosseum, the place being overrun by barbarians of ‘that’ sort: the last outpost of the British Empire was in disarray.
You know, this place is a farce. But the good news is that nobody batted an eyelid. The whole debacle was so obviously a stunt that not even the papers took it seriously. If, like me, you can remember the days of the boasting unionist politicians shouting about the “Bulwark of Ulster Unionism” you will know the changes that have taken place in our society.
I was at the council meeting in our area on Thursday evening, the day after the whole edifice fell apart. I was expecting Sinn Fein and the Ulster Unionists to be at each other’s throats. In fact, I was going expecting a showdown. Instead, it was like a tea dance in the parochial hall, they could not have been nicer to each other. Three uncontentious motions were passed without a vote and everybody went home. All in all a very nice and civil evening out.
Did you hear the whispers?
Down where you live were there any whispers or cries of distress about the inevitable demise of the Senate on the Hill. I have not heard it mentioned on the streets. No one even noticed. Here is a question for you: what difference would direct rule make to you or me tomorrow morning? Can you give me one concrete example of something that Stormont has done that makes a fundamental change to your life?
There has been no sense of bewilderment at the impending collapse of Stormont, nor will there be. Do you know that 58% of the children at primary and secondary schools in the New North are now Catholic? Now, when we were in the thirty percent range a bit of gerrymandering could work, but with over half the electorate Catholic, the days of gerrymandering are over. The rise of a highly educated Catholic middle class ensures we will not be beaten down again. Look at this year’s marches, sure you would have seen more bother in a pub on a Saturday night.
No, there was no whispering in the shadows, nor will there be.
But Ashley might soon cause a whisper!
Poor Ashley Madison, chosen because her name sounded exclusive and seductive, may soon have more than a few whispers coming her way. It appears that the lawyers are beginning to look at a few of her contract clauses.
The lawyers for people named on the list will soon be seeking damages because the adultery website did not keep its promise to maintain the anonymity of the people who paid for their services. So, if you’re quick you could get in there and claim for invasion of privacy before the money runs out. The only problem is how do you explain to the hubby or wife what you were doing there in the first place:
“Cynthia, darling, I was bored with the politics of Northern Ireland, you know, that Nesbitt chappie and all that, so I decided to visit Ashley Madison to see if any of our friends were there. Of course I love you….and a few others,” says our friend from Cherry Valley.
“Ah, Paddy, don’t ask questions and you’ll be toul no lies. Ok?” says the wee woman from Belfast, before giving her beloved a gentle peck on the cheek.
How do we explain it?
A wise man once wrote, and it was not all that long ago, 1938 to be precise, “We made decisions based on self that later put us in a position to be hurt.” What he was saying was that a man takes a notion to play an away match, (makes a decision) goes and does it (carries it out) and spends the rest of his life living in fear of being caught, (placing himself in a position to be hurt).
It is the classic definition of selfish and self-centred living. It is wee Johnny all over, only this time whole families are destroyed forever. Oh, what webs we do weave when we first start to deceive. What is it in us men that we can’t be content with what we have—and what is it in some women that will risk everything for a fling?
We are a rare species, us human beings. We all do it. We make commitments that we do not keep, we make promises and then turn them into lies and we hurt people and walk away insisting that we have done no harm.
See that man run!
But, sure it is not all bad. Usain Bolt won the 100m, the 200m and a gold medal in the 4X100m relay. That man can run! There has never been a sprinter like him, nor is there ever likely to be again in our lifetime. His psychology, according to those who study the mind, is unique in its competitive spirit.
“With 10 metres to go in the 100m he looked beaten,” said a sport’s psychologist on RTE on Friday, “But such is his competitive strength that he pulled it back and won.” The sport’s physiologist agreed and went on to say that Bolt’s physiology is so unique that it is probably only present in one in a billion people and of even those he is almost certainly the very best.
But he is not the fastest man on earth. Bolt runs 200 metres in 19.5 seconds. That is the same distance as it is from the front door of Stormont to Carson’s statue. Any unionist can do it in ten seconds when a shinner, particularly one with a dubious past, (ya no what I mean) stands up to speak.
Last week, Nesbitt and Co ran that 200m so fast they broke the time barrier and went back to 1969!
One last thing about Bolt…..he gives credit to God for everything, his gift of speed, his joy in life and his good fortune. And he blesses himself every time he gets down to race: good man Usain.
The Picts are Going
I’ll tell you something, if Gordon Brown could get his hands on the man that built Hadrian’s Wall he would give him a quare kicking. Up until the building of that blooming wall Britain was all one but ever since, the Scots have felt a wee bit cut off from Londinium, the Roman name for a small settlement on the River Thames.
Brown is a very astute politician and he can read the signs of the times. Without doubt it was Brown’s prompt action on the banks in 2008, that prevented Britain going into economic free-fall like the rest of Europe, so when Brown speaks he had to be listened too, and what he says is interesting: England and English politicians are becoming too nationalistic and narrow focused in their opinions.
Perfidious Albion is at it again
Basically what Brown is saying is that England, and the Conservative government in particular, is going back on its word over what it promised Scotland at the time of the referendum. Be that as it may, what does it mean for us?
It shows that England is beginning to care more about itself and its own wee corner than the rest of us. When the Mother Country on the Mainland begins to put its interests in front of the natives anything becomes possible.
Has Nesbitt a Plan
It is possible that Mike Nesbitt is playing a political game with a long term aim. He refers to ‘normal democracy’ where you have majority rule and an opposition; he seems to forget that unionism when it had majority rule, would not give the nationalist people fresh air and their version of majority rule was institutional discrimination.
Perhaps Nesbitt wants to bring down Stormont and in the talks that follow push for a return to majority rule. From his pronouncements on history I would not be surprised if he viewed pre-direct rule Northern Ireland as Utopia.
In this case, and at the first mention of majority rule, Sinn Fein and the SDLP must say ‘No’ loud enough to wake up the Rev Ian. Unionism needs a resentful Catholic population to feed its lie that nationalism, Catholics and all things Irish cannot be trusted.
The easiest way to control a person is to make them resent you. What do you think the triumphalist marching has been about all these years? Keep the fenians angry and you can point out how bad and dishonest and untrustworthy he is. It really does work.
But we need to make sure that we don’t fall into the trap again: our politicians need to look at Nesbitt in the eye smile and say, ‘We’re your equal, our voters have rights which we will protect, and you and your people are just going to have to live with us as equals. We are not going away, you know! Take your ball and go home, and come back when you grow up.”
And then on Monday
On Monday morning, bank holiday or not, the real cracks within unionism began to show. Peter Robinson started the ball rolling:
"Exiting the field of play is not a tactically clever first option - it can only ever be a last resort," he said. Mr. Robinson wrote: "This is not the time to flee the battlefield, it is the time to confront violent republicanism, to stand and fight for democratic principles and to do what is right for the law-abiding citizens of Northern Ireland who want to see our country prosper and reach its full potential." (BBC News)
To which Nesbitt replied:
“Hitting back at Mr Robinson's comments - the UUP leader said: "It is extraordinary that it has taken until the last day of August for Peter Robinson to comment on the latest IRA murder. It is equally remarkable that he cannot agree with me that enough is enough and take a principled stand.
“But above all, it is incredible that he chooses the language of the battlefield to defend his stance. Does he think the people of Northern Ireland have such short memories that they do not recall that when the DUP flip-flopped on their “Never, Never, Never, Never” stance regarding sharing power with Sinn Féin, they promised “a battle a day. The problem for Peter Robinson is that there is no battlefield under his command.” (Belfast Telegraph)
Poor Peter Robinson falls back into the old unionist speak about the ‘law-abiding citizens of the North,’ the old unionist way of saying ‘us good people’ as opposed to ‘them Catholics.’
But Nesbitt is equally revealing in his language, going back to the day Paisley ranted at the City Hall. Does Nesbitt really think we are going back to those times? Poor Nesbitt was born fifty years too late, the Protestant Parliament for a Protestant People is gone forever: Unionism and its bigotry lost the battle.
The question for unionists now is: do they want to make Northern Ireland, with equality for their nationalist neighbours, work or would they rather wreck it and pull the place down?
Thank God times have changed! We await wee Johnny to come out of his huff.
The views expressed are not necessarily those of the editor but are the views of the writer. Any comments, please submit to